My Bulking Progress

Happy Marvelous in my Monday!

Things have been super hectic lately. I really need to find time to just decompress. 

As you all know, I've been 'bulking' or simply just trying to put on some weight. I find there are so many mental hurdles but int he end only the strongest survive. ;) It definitely is tough at times.

Your pants are tighter. You eat past the point of fullness. You have a little more fat than you are comfortable with. And you have to be okay with that.

This is how I feel right now. Adding weight to my frame has been an up and down battle. For one thing, I now know for sure that even when I do 20 minutes of cardio or eat even one miniscule snack less in a day, I will lose weight. It sucks.

The past few months I have added on a few pounds, but it has been a rollercoaster. I am not going to lie to all of you and say that my attitude was 100% positive all the time. It was summer. This means bikinis, short shorts, tiny tank tops, you name it. Baring all that skin left me feeling a lot more uncomfortable with adding weight on.

I look back on it and laugh. It's things like these that will always hold me back, and I need to look to the future instead of the present and the past. I need to focus on my goals: envision where I want to be and just do it. I have no time to worry about what might go wrong NOW.

The past few weeks, I've been eating even more and doing no cardio. I do have to do cardio for school gym requirements, but on those days I have to eat even more and be 100% okay with that, because that is what I need.

I'm tired of people thinking I am 'skinny.' No. I am not like a majority of women (especially teenage girls) out there who wants to be skinny. I want to be healthy and strong. I want to have muscle and prove to people that woman look good with a bit of brawn.

Forking down the food has been a major mental battle. I think you can ask anyone 'bulking,' and they would tell you the same thing. You might be thinking "Seriously? She has to eat more and she is complaining?" No, I am not complaining, not at all. I am just expressing how much of a struggle it is to play mind games with myself.

This is raw honesty right here. To the left was a picture of me about two months ago with some nice abs. I still had little body fat on me then. To the right is a picture of my tummy now.

 

(The second picture was taken bright and early in the morning, when my body had been fasting overnight; not after I had eaten.)

There is a difference. I have gotten 'softer' in my stomach area (this has always been my weak spot). I still have slight indents, but each and every day they are diminishing. It's hard to not focus on, but it's possible. My clothes are fitting a bit snugger and yet I am honestly okay with it. How? A few months ago I would've been very saddened by this thought. But now that I have my goals in the forefront of my mind, everything is easier.

I'm getting healthier, one step at a time. And look! Eating much more has its perks:

I'm getting bulky legs! HAZZAH! Legs have always been the hardest thing to grow on this body of mine and seeing this picture brings me joy. I know, I'm such a sap. But if you only knew how self-conscious I once was about how chicken-legged I believed I was, you would sympathize. ;) These legs are growing. My chest. My back. My shoulders, Everything is growing. And I need to grow. It's not always about putting on the muscle I really want to put on, but proving to myself that I can set out to do what I want to.

'Bulking' has been up and down, that is for sure. I'm being more lenient too with my treats. And it's okay. A few scoops of ice cream and a large slice of pizza won't kill me. I advocate eating healthy but I have to live once in awhile.

I understand cutting is probably harder than bulking, but in all seriousness both bulking and cutting can be mentally difficult!

Have a great day everyone. :)

Questions: Are you bulking? What's the hardest part for you? 

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