Perfectly Imperfect

I am not perfect.

That I can say with 100% confidence. 

I am farrr from it. I get annoyed easily. The littlest thing can annoy me. I lie sometimes. I don't like the way I look all the time (well most of the time). I yell at people who don't deserve to be yelled at. I am sarcastic and make stupid jokes that at times may be inappropriate. I complain about ridiculous things. I don't always have the healthiest thoughts.

I can just about list a hundred more things that make me imperfect, but I'd rather look at the things that make me who I am. All these things that I mentioned are molded into this person who is typing this at this very moment. If people can't accept that, then I have no room to worry about them.

In 4th grade, I would have done anything just to fit in with the 'popular' girls, like make fun of innocent people. In 5th grade, I gave up hanging out with the most popular girls in school. That made me an 'outcast' but it was the right thing to do. In 6th grade, I actually met a group of friends, but even then I felt like the outsider of the group. In 7th grade, I incinerated my hair with the flat iron every day and caked on the make-up (turquoise eyeliner, anyone?). I also wore those DC skater shoes just so I could fit in with what the 'trends' were. In 8th grade, I didn't have many friends but the friend I did have moved across the country. Freshman year, I was picked on and struggled to make more friends. I took it out on my body and my mind, and it still hurts to move on. This past sophomore year, I felt like I was battling life on a day to day basis. 

Sitting here, I realize there were so many things I gave up just to sit and mope around about how much I've 'been through' in life in terms of my own health, my family's health, and everything else. 

I could've gone out and just lived. 

I'm still not 100% comfortable with who I am. There are so many things I wish I could change about myself. With the things I cannot simply change, I must learn to accept. With the things I can, I will work towards bettering myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. 

Sometimes, I just need to breathe, tell myself "I am alive," and smile. Even if I have the worst circumstances around me, there is so much to smile about. Why frown and make the circumstances worse? Why live in the slums of life because you feel like you have no choice? You do. Smile and breathe. And live, not just survive.

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